When love is not enough (true story)
This blog is inspired by a true story lived by someone very dear to my heart. If you were ever in love and for whatever reason the relationship was no longer possible, you may find yourself in this story. No matter if both people in this story cared for each other, they found out there are times when love is not enough.
Falling in love doesn’t always means happy ever after. There are times when you keep that passion inside even for a life time, longing for a happy end and knowing it may never happen. Usually these stories have a lot of passion, things happen rapidly and at high intensity. You love with all your heart and then you crash at high speed.
Life doesn’t feel fair because they both love each other but they know they cannot be together. Things just don’t seem to happen at the right time.
In our story here they were both very young. They met after she left the city he was living in and moved to another country. It happened they spoke with each other a lot and feelings grew. Summer holiday was the most wanted thing in their life at that moment because they had the chance to meet and spend together that magical time. With high intensity, a few months turned into huge passion. They lived the bliss of magical moments, they argued, they saw how life is against their relationship, they struggled to figure out if to stay in this story or leave.
Time didn’t prove to be on their side. As each went back to school, 2000 km away from each other, frustration started to build. Being apart became too hard and brought contradicting reactions in the couple. One would want to stay, the other would want out because distance was too much to bear. The breakup was not easy to be done but it was the solution at the moment.
You would think this was the end. Well, it was not. Throughout the next two years, being aware that they cannot be together, their relationship continued at soul level. When one was running into trouble, the other just happened to call or send a message. When things would go rough in one’s life, the other just happened to be around. She even went to the point where she openly admitted that she wants to be back in the relationship but he wouldn’t bear the distance.
Then they even realised that maybe they met too soon. If only they met 5 years later when both are more mature, they finished school and such decisions are easier to make. “If only” becomes like a walking mantra and this if only can eat them from inside if care is not taken. Regrets can be many but are they doing any good to anyone?
I asked her what she does when love is not enough? How is she coping with the situation? She opened her heart , looked deep within and gave me these ideas on how she copes with knowing they cannot have the “till death do us part”:
- Learn how to live with it.
it’s not that the feeling is going away, at least until you heal it. IF you ever heal it. So you have to learn to live with it. You have to learn to live with missing the one you think is the best fit for yourself. You learn that time will tell and you need patience until that moment when time will show you if there is another person that can ever fill that void. There is a feeling of void in your heart because the other left and you need to fill that space so your heart doesn’t feel ripped off.
- Be happy it happened even if it ended.
This was a special time in your life. All love stories carry happy and sad memories. You can choose to focus on the positive side or on the negative one. If you look for the happy memories you will realise you can be happy you lived those feelings. You felt 100% happy for a while. It is true that real happiness does not depend on a person or external factors. Happiness depends on your inner state and you can help your inner state by focusing on the positive memories.
- Look for the lesson in it.
When two souls meet and fall in love, there is a reason behind. You may never totally understand it but you can ask your heart why did you have to go through this. There is always a lesson , maybe it was meant to teach you what is the kind of partner you want in your life. Maybe it was meant to show your heart ’s capacity of love. Or maybe you just had to meet and bring a ray of happiness in each other’s lives and then move on to the next life experiences. Whatever that was, be happy it happened and it last as it did.
- It was love, so where is the harm?
Love doesn’t die. Someone may hurt you and you don’t approve of their actions. In such situations you may react to them not following your wishes, not feeling the same or not wanting the same things. This doesn’t make anyone bad, it ’s just that you didn’t match enough to have a long term love story. If you focus on the feelings of love rather than the feelings of hurt, you will realise there is no harm in feeling that love that makes your heart sing. If you focus on those feelings, chances are you will find love again and sooner than you think. This is because you keep your heart open instead of closing it by focusing on what hurt you.
I must admit I was moved by her capacity of understanding the situation as it is and looking for answers rather than focusing on the pain.
If you find yourself in this story, please leave a comment and show her she is not alone. Would you give someone in this situation a word of encouragement? Would you share your own story with her?
We are looking forward to hear what you would tell her. She is here, right beside me because she is my daughter and she wanted to share her heart with you.