They say when we heal others we heal ourselves too because light flows through us to the person we want to heal so that light heals us too. They say God gives us people that need to heal the same issues we need to heal ourselves, maybe because God wants us healed too or maybe because we become experts of those issues trying to heal them in ourselves.
What happens though when there is no person coming to be healed and we find ourselves in trouble? How do we heal then? How can we objectively see inside ourselves and take out what no longer serves us? How long do we need to work on it until we reach that light?
I found myself in this situation for the past weeks. I got myself to the point even doctors could not figure out yet where it comes from. I closed my throat that tight so not even water would go through it. This made me experience all sort of feelings: fear, anxiety, and desperation. I kept asking what the problem is, where it comes from, how and mostly when it will be healed. Doctors are doing their best to help but they can help physical causes and physical damages and they do it great as long as there is a cause of damage they can identify.
One thing I know is that our thoughts and beliefs create our reality. If these thoughts are not of love towards ourselves, if we cannot balance giving and receiving, the first to suffer is our energy field. A change in our energy field that lasts long enough will then turn into a physical condition, be it a disease, a disorder, a physical blockage or an allergy. Yes, every physical condition has a mental cause and it takes a lot of inner work to identify and heal it. The benefit of healing the mental cause is that as long as our thoughts are repaired, our energy field restores to normal, the physical condition heals and thought change will prevent our body from creating the same warning again.
So here I was, trying to figure out what, why, when while feeling scared and out of balance until I happened to meet one nice old doctor who concluded: my throat has spasms that are created by something else. I felt it as a blessing to still be strong and healthy and at the same time it put me in a state of deep searching. If this is a thing of the mind, what causes it? Talking to this gentleman felt like a revelation, I thought if I created it than I must find a way to get to the root of it.
I came home and started to cry tears coming out of my chest, out of my heart. My body screamed: I am enough! I am enough just the way I am! I am perfect in my imperfection! I am a magnificent being and I deserve all the good that comes to me! I am made of love, I am a caring loving person and that’s enough! I am me and nobody else can do a better job at living my life than I do! I am enough and I love and approve myself exactly the way I am!
There it was! My revelation, my inner findings, my energetic stuff that made my body shut down from the struggle I was giving it. I wanted to jump into it and heal myself instantly but I have learned healing takes time and Divine time is the perfect time so for a few days I was repeating I am enough and this is not real whenever I was trying to sip water. And it worked most of the times because awareness is the first step in healing. When you find the cause, when you accept it as being what creates the condition, you already took the first step towards healing.
Still this was the first step and the second one came with prayers and asking for answers. How did I get there? How did I get to feeling as not being enough? How did I get to feeling I am not good? How did I distant myself from self-love and acceptance? And first I heard one word: overwhelmed. Then I knew, then I acknowledged, then I saw it: I gave the most I could at my day job knowing there were not enough people there and patients need help, I gave the most I could trying to manage home and energy work and my spiritual practice. I had no idea I was overwhelmed and didn’t even notice when I disconnected from myself while pushing my body and mind towards achieving the most I could. I forgot only one person in the world: me. I forgot I need rest, I forgot I need to recharge my batteries in order to continue to function, I forgot that if I am not strong and well, how am I to help others find their way? I forgot to care about my needs and wants.
I learned the hard lesson of depleting my energetic potential trying to make others happy. I learned again to take it slowly, one step at a time, one task for one day, one question answered at once and a lot of rest until I am again fully charged. It was reinforced in me something I already knew: every so called problem is in fact a blessing and when things don’t go the way I want I learned to think in fact I have no idea what God saved me from. If my body wouldn’t have given me this warning I would have gone further and maybe create something much worse than I did. If my body wouldn’t have slowed me down maybe I wouldn’t have found my healing path.
We take so much for granted believing it will always be there for us, thinking it is our right to have it. In fact all we own is our spirit and all the rest flows from there. We learn to be grateful for our achievements, our possessions, maybe our environment, people in our lives and we may forget at times that every single cell, thing, living being, nature’s creation around us is in fact a gift to be grateful for. This life is given to us for our spiritual growth and each of us has their own journey, their own lessons to learn, their own life to live.
Today I am grateful for being alive, for being strong, for the air I breath, for the water I drink, for the bed I sleep in, for the birds, grass and flowers in my back yard, for all the people I have ever met because each of them taught me something, for knowing love, compassion, empathy, for each opportunity to learn and grow, for each scar in my heart that made me stronger and shaped who I am today. Today I am simply grateful!
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